The More You Try to Sleep, The Harder It Gets: Breaking the Cycle of Insomnia

The More You Try to Sleep, The Harder It Gets: Breaking the Cycle of Insomnia

"Just go to sleep already."

You’ve been in bed for hours, tossing and turning. You’ve counted sheep. You’ve flipped the pillow. You’ve peeked at the clock for the fifth time and done the mental math: If I fall asleep now, I’ll get four hours… okay, three and a half…

Sound familiar?

If you’ve struggled with insomnia, you know the feeling. And ironically, the more desperate you become to fall asleep, the further away it seems to drift.

Let’s talk about that frustrating cycle—and more importantly, how to break it.


Why Trying Harder Doesn’t Work

Sleep is one of those things that doesn’t respond well to pressure. Unlike work deadlines or fitness goals, you can’t force yourself to sleep through willpower.

In fact, trying too hard to sleep creates performance anxiety. Your brain enters “fight or flight” mode—releasing cortisol and adrenaline, making it biologically harder to relax. What’s meant to be a restful experience turns into a nightly battle with your mind and body.

It’s not that you don’t want to sleep. It’s that your brain now associates bedtime with stress.


The Vicious Cycle of Insomnia

Here’s how it usually plays out:

→ One or two bad nights of sleep—caused by stress, illness, travel, etc.

→ You begin to worry about sleep, thinking, “What if I can’t sleep again tonight?”

→ This worry builds sleep anxiety—you dread going to bed and lie awake feeling tense.

→ You try harder to sleep, over-monitoring your body and thoughts.

→ You don’t fall asleep... again. Your brain reinforces the link between bed = struggle.

Eventually, even just getting into bed triggers stress. And what was once a temporary issue becomes a nightly habit loop.


So... How Do You Break the Cycle?

The good news: insomnia is a learned pattern, which means it can also be unlearned.

Here are psychology-backed, gentle strategies to start retraining your brain and body:


1. Stop “Trying” to Sleep

Yes, really. The first step is to stop chasing sleep like it’s a test you need to pass. Instead, aim for rest - mentally and physically.

🟢 Shift your goal: Instead of “I need to fall asleep,” tell yourself, “I’m just going to rest. If sleep comes, great. If not, I’m still giving my body a break.”

This takes the pressure off and helps deactivate that wired, anxious state.

2. Get Out of Bed If You Can’t Sleep

This one sounds counterintuitive, but it’s key. If you’ve been in bed for about 20–30 minutes and you’re not sleepy, get up and do something calming in another room.

Try:

  • Reading a book (non-stimulating, not on your phone)
  • Stretching or gentle yoga
  • Listening to soft music or a sleep meditation

Why it works: This helps your brain stop associating your bed with struggle. Eventually, your bed becomes a place for sleep, not stress.

3. Keep a Consistent Wake-Up Time

Even after a rough night, resist the urge to “make up for it” by sleeping in. That only confuses your body clock.

  • Pick one wake-up time and stick to it—even on weekends. It’s the single most powerful way to reset your sleep rhythm.

Bonus Tip: Get natural light in the morning (open a window or step outside for 5–10 minutes). This reinforces your circadian rhythm and helps you feel sleepier at night.

4. Create a Wind-Down Ritual (Not Just a Routine)

Sleep doesn’t start when your head hits the pillow, it begins before that.

Design a 30–60 minute wind-down ritual that tells your brain, “Hey, the day is done.” This could include:

  • Turning off screens
  • Drinking a warm, non-caffeinated drink
  • Doing a simple skincare routine
  • Journaling or gratitude writing

The key is consistency. Over time, these cues condition your brain to transition into rest mode.

5. Watch the Self-Talk

Your thoughts can either soothe or stir up anxiety.

Avoid thoughts like:

  • “If I don’t sleep, tomorrow will be a disaster.”
  • “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I sleep like everyone else?”


Replace with:

  • “My body knows how to sleep. It will come when it’s ready.”
  • “Even rest is healing, even if sleep is slow tonight.”


This is where Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) shines. It helps you notice and reframe unhelpful thoughts about sleep, which reduces anxiety and restores confidence in your body’s natural ability to rest.

When to Seek Support

If insomnia is affecting your daily life—mood, energy, work, or relationships—it may be time to get help. CBT-I is the gold-standard, research-backed treatment for chronic insomnia, and it's highly effective even in just a few sessions.

You don’t have to keep fighting your bed each night. With support and consistent strategies, sleep can become natural again.

Final Thoughts

Here’s the truth: the harder you try to sleep, the more sleep slips away. But when you shift your approach, focusing on rest, calming routines, and reducing pressure, you begin to rewire the sleep process.

It takes patience, yes. But with small changes, you can break the cycle of insomnia and finally make peace with your nights.

Because you deserve sleep that feels safe, natural, and restorative, not a nightly struggle.